Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
