Acid is not a monday night drug
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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