i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
