I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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