ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why do cheetos always look like penises
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
