i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
