I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
