oh god the rape fog is back!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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