her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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