Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
