His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
