I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
