When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
