I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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