They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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