I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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