Your favorite bartender is back from prision
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You should frame my arrest warrant.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
