Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
