We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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