His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
