I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
