I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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