I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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