Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
