I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
