After last night, I could never be a politician.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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