I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
