No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
