that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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