Already got asked if we're dating
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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