I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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