im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
