U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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