I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
