I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
