If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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