I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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