The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
