Someone shit on the floor
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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