I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
