Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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