he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
