dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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