I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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