just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
