I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
