My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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