i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
