She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
