So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
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She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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