I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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