i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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