dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
