my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
