Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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