Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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