can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
