So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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