Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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