So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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