I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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