if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
