My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
