My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
