he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize