Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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