At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
