On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
