just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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