our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
