Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
