she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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