just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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